Tag:2023

Wow, uh… been a while, huh?

I don’t think I properly checked in based on dates of updates. But TLDR, in October I got covid for the first time, and everything has just been… tough since then. Fatigue and brainfog have been really, really bad. And it’s frustrating and distressing and the fact that it’s SAD season is NOT making anything any better. I’m kind of miserable right now and my ability to do anything is taking a hit… which is. A bit of a problem!

Because my personal self-worth sort of relies on my ability to continually create. I feel like I need to do something, to output something to justify my existence. And when I can’t do that for whatever reason, it tends to spiral quickly, and it’s unpleasant. It’s like an oroboros feeding off of itself – I feel awful so my brainfog is bad and I can’t think or brainstorm, I can’t do anything because my brainfog is so bad, which in turn causes more brainfog. I feel like I need to accept I can’t be 100% all the time and that I need a break, but it’s hard.

I’m like a court jester for an audience, even if there is no audience. If I’m not doing something, I have no right to exist.

But that’s… uh… unpleasant. Nobody wants to hear about that.

It’s hard but I’ll still try my best. But expect updates to be slow, if any updates at all. I just wanted to say something because I don’t like leaving things without a word.