📚 Goodbye my memories

Beck is worried about Isa.

Characters: Beck, Isa, Daichi

Warnings: Overarching theme of death and grief

Wordcount: 1,137

Vibe: uh oh

i’d say this is a thinly veiled vent but its like. its not even thinly veiled this is just blatantly a vent LMAO

shoutout to isa for your fucked up complicated relationship to your dad i am squeezing you like a stress ball in these times

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It was late evening, and the last bits of daylight were slipping away. The fluorescent motel lamps were doing most of the illumination as Beck paced around the property. 

She was looking for someone, and only seemed to find them in the last place she visited.

“Shit… there you are” Beck sighed, flinching slightly at the sight of Isa. She didn’t not expect to see her, but she’d practically searched the entirety of the motel’s public area and was having doubts.

“…How the hell did you find me?” Isa mumbled.

“Don’t answer that, actually. You asked Tonantzintla, didn’t you?”

“I did, yeah. Sorry. I was just worried.”

“Don’t be.”

“Jeez, Isa, how am I supposed to not worry about you?! You’re my friend, asshole. And I know something’s wrong.”

Beck didn’t like being snappy with Isa, but was starting to lose her cool. She cared about her, but sometimes the way Isa bottled up her emotions was… frustrating.

“How much do you know?”

“Nothing? Like I know you asked Arael to meet up in the group chat a couple days ago… and you’ve been acting weird since then, okay?!”

“Damn.” Isa said flatly.

“…I thought she would’ve talked about it to people.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Did you two fight or something?”

“No.” Isa replied, shaking her head and fixing her posture a bit as she leaned against the wall.

“She helped me kill my dad.”

“…What?” was all Beck could muster. It certainly wasn’t what she was expecting to hear.

“There’s nothing further to elaborate on, Beck.”

“You gotta get better at lying, man.” Beck groaned.

“If there’s ‘nothing further’, why the hell did Daichi ask me to give a special fucking welcome to another weird deoxys? Why would Tonan be stalking outside their window?! What the hell happened?!”

“I guess other things happened…” Isa started.

“But they’re all pretty normal for the kinda shit I normally deal with.”

“Isa…” Beck huffed, her agitation giving way into a more defeated affect.

“Man, I thought your dad was like, dead already. You only ever told me your mom gotfuckin’ murdered when you were a kid, so I assumed…”

“No.” Isa said, cutting Beck off sharply.

“He was alive and well until a few days ago. When I killed him.”

Beck didn’t really know what to say. She wasn’t sure how much space to give, but wanted answers.

“I take it wasn’t too close of a thing… I mean, considering you’d…”

“Dude, shut up the fuck up.”

Beck hadn’t heard Isa snap at her like that in a long time… and considering the gravity of last time was the impending end of the world, it was enough to tell Beck she was pushing too much.

“Alright, alright! Sorry, geez.” Beck said as she recoiled back.

There was a short pause, before Beck turned to leave.

“Well, uh…” she started.

“If you… need someone later, I’m here, ok?”

“Wait.” Isa piped up – her tone less strained this time.

“Where do you live now? You moved out, didn’t you?”

What… an out of place question.

“Eh? Yeah, I guess I only sort of vaguely alluded to it… was pretty recent, ‘n all.” Beck replied, turning her attention back to Isa.

“Daichi’s letting me live in a farmhouse on her property while I do work for her. It’s mostly a trial run of independence, I guess.”

“Damn.” Isa sighed.

“That’s a ways out of town, nevermind.”

“What? Would you talk to me if we weren’t arguing in a cheap motel’s smoking area?”

“I don’t think strangers need to hear about how my deadbeat father didn’t even say goodbye.”

She was trying to hide it, but it was clear as day to Beck – Isa was starting to tear up now. Beck thought carefully for a moment and she tried to figure out what to say.

“…Daichi went to wrap up some stuff at the Space Center.” Beck said softly. 

“She was going to wait for me and drive us back. If you want to talk, we-”

“I’m not talking about this to anybody but you.”

Isa sounded frustrated, but in a much more defeated and vulnerable manner than before. Clearly, as much as she’d tried to bottle them up… her emotions were finally overflowing.

“I feel like…” Beck started.

“I feel like Daichi may be one person to make an exception for. If I’m taking context clues about this whole… situation right.”

There was a pause, almost an uncomfortably long one.

“I promise, okay Isa?”

Night had fallen by the time everyone was on the road. There’d been no conversation so far between the three, outside of Daichi greeting Beck when she arrived – before quickly reading the room.

It was only when Daichi turned off the main town road and on to a dirt one leading to farmlands that Isa spoke up.

I don’t know how to feel. I should feel something, right?

It’s all muddled.

Especially seeing how how fondly those he exchanged his life for would recollect him…

Did we know the same person? There’s… no way they were talking about my father. He wasn’t that kind of person…

What made me some kind of special exception? He couldn’t grin and pretend, he couldn’t even blatantly hate me.

There was just nothing. Like I was invisible to him. Like I was only a vague concept.

But…

He let everyone around me die. Everyone… but not me.

So I wasn’t totally invisible. There was just enough feeling to care if I lived or died. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have sent me to live with Suika so hastily.

Why?

I was invisible, but still important enough to not lose. I wasn’t important enough to know him as anything but a vague memory, and yet…

I don’t know

I just want to know how I’m supposed to feel.

Daichi let the vehicle come to a slow stop. They hadn’t arrived at their destination yet, though – it was just the headlights and inky blackness ahead.

“Isa?” Daichi started after a pause.

“I can’t tell you anything. Much less whatever you’re supposed to be feeling. I wouldn’t know.”

She slumped over in the drivers seat a bit, but was still facing the night.

“It’s going to be… a lot of introspection on processing only you can do for yourself. And it’s not going to be pleasant.” Daichi continued, shaking her head.

“So… make sure you’re not alone, okay? I know you’re a… strong willed person, Isa. But navigating feelings like this is a bit unprecedented.”

Daichi paused, and finally, she turned to face Isa.

“Only you can dive in, there’s no denying it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t let your friends patch you up when you take a quick resurface for air.” she said, her tone gentle and reassuring.

“Okay?”